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Why She’s Not in the Mood

There are plenty of websites out there that say they can HELP you get more sex. Sure, there’s pubs, picks up dating sites, sites that purely cater for the one-night stand. And then there’s you. You, who wants a long term relationship. You’re not the kinda guy who wants to, or has time to, get out on the town. Finding Mrs Right in a place like that is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

So fast-forward and you’ve got yourself the lady of your dreams. It took you years to find her. The sex, conversations, discovery, aligned goals and dreams all were 10/10. Then 2-3 years in…something happened. She started pulling away. Life got a little predictable. Days felt too routine-like. And the bed wasn’t messed up with that glow of activity and the scent of sweet love making. So what happened?

We all know the impact of stress on a guy’s life. 55 Million people die each year globally from stress related illnesses which is predominantly because of chronic diseases: cardiovascular diseases, cancers, dementia, chronic obstructive lung disease or diabetes. There are a number of reasons for cardiovascular disease, but the main one is stress. 

A Journal of Sexual Medicine study tested the impact of stress on women’s sex lives. They tested two groups of women who were rated as having high stress and average stress in their lives, respectively. They had them watch an erotic video, then measured their genital arousal, distraction and cortisol (a bodily stress hormone) levels. As you may have guessed, the women with high stress had less genital arousal, were more distracted and had higher levels of cortisol production.

We also know from other research that stress negatively affects men’s libidos as well. Basically, stress is a libido-crusher for many people.

HONEY, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?:

If you’re interested in bringing ‘sexy back’ into your life gentlemen, then you need to bring the topic of stress up with her and ask her about how it’s affecting her. Place no judgment and offer no solutions; just listen. When she feels heard, ask if there are ways she has effectively dealt with stress in the past. We can’t quit our jobs, so finding ways to reduce stress is important. Yoga, meditation, taking a walk, exercise, or a hobby can all help us reduce the impacts of stress. Why not invite your wife to join you in some stress-relieving activities that not only reduce anxiety but help build intimacy? (Record scratch sound)….

What?

But isn’t intimacy a pre-sexual encounter like foreplay?

Nope.

A FEW WAYS TO REDUCE HER STRESS THAT COSTS YOU NOTHING:

Most women’s love language is Quality Time and Words, so instead of thinking “She already knows she’s important to me, I married her didn’t I”, thinking this is a useful response, perhaps you need to demonstrate this in actions and words.

If you haven’t done something to demonstrate how special she is in the past four hours, then you’ve already waited too long. This is not a high budget item; it’s high consideration item. And women speak in this kind of language. And MenStylePower know that you don’t.

HOW TO DO IT:

How about an I love you phone call or text (costs nothing).

A simple note slipped in her purse.

A midweek lunch date.

Flowers delivered to her office.

Do you still open the car door?

Serve her hot tea or coffee?

Deliver an unexpected embrace, a foot rub, or candles with dinner?

You get the idea. Believe me gentlemen, this kind of attention pulls her focus to you and only you. This reduces stress levels, it opens her heart to you and the little things you do and it brings her affections to you. Win/win.

MISPLACED AFFECTION:

Sex in marriage has long been known to be a measure of happiness. Although sex in itself is not the answer to a bad marriage, it is more of a result of things being right, like a thermometer that tells the temperature. But happiness for women in a relationship or marriage,  is the ongoing presence of ‘care and affection’ that leads her to trusting her partner and thus, she lowers her guard to have sex.

Affection is an emotional display of love, including words and physical touch that can be either platonic or intimate. The biggest issue today, is a man usually only shows affection as a call to sex. For women, who need this show of care and consideration tend to shy away from this ‘call’ if it only appears in her life for a sexual reason. The man’s advances make her feel used and unloved. She may even start to deny your advances because she feels your advances are only for your satisfaction, which she will see as selfish. And eventually if this issue of ‘misplaced affection’ is not sorted out a woman can become bitter and leave. Or you start looking elsewhere to satisfy your sexual desires.

Anyone can learn affection. So here goes Gents, let’s add these little elements into your life, DAILY. This can’t be a one-off display and then you expect sex – that’s when thing can go very wrong as you’re not being sincere about how she feels.

  1. Hug and kiss when leaving for work or returning home

  2. Touch the small of her back when passing her in the house

  3. Brush bodies when passing

  4. Caress her hair while riding in the car together

  5. Touch feet while eating a meal at the table

  6. Give her a foot rub

  7. Send her an unexpected text that says how beautiful she is

  8. Run her a bath, add a candle in there, and perhaps even a herbal tea/ or champagne!

There are always little things you can do which cost you nothing, that will show her your heart felt emotions for her wellbeing.

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