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Why Are Men Not Happy?

man-walking-on-street

We’ve been having conversations that go deeper than the fluff of a fashion faux pas. Conversations that are part of the fabric of life. Deep in thought, we got together over a Gin (or two), to discuss the various walks of life we had encountered over the past month.

So we love men’s style, but we’re not performing brain surgery. What we are doing is starting the roll of a snowball to hopefully gain momentum, so that individuals can see how the knock on effect of confidence can improve their quality of life. Yup, we love to style of a person on the outside, so once they see the complements flow in, it starts to change them from their core.

We often say we don’t care if you’ve got an MBA, because if you’re an a**hole, we don’t want to know you. That’s how you should live your life. Look deeper, ask questions, watch out for their true character and work hard for what it is you believe in. Surround yourself with your ‘tribe’ and start to really think of what matters in your life. You never know when you’re going to lose it. Think about the things you would regret not doing if you only had 6 months to live. And write that sh*t down! Because this is part of your purpose, it’s part of your skill set, talents and gifts. There is ONLY ONE YOU!

Taken from an expert of Caroline Myss, the following breakdown of how to find your true happiness is one to be a mantra for 2015.

man-vertigo-photo

HAPPINESS AS A FORCE OF NATURE

Meaning: we are happy — if not happiest — when we are living in harmony with our inner nature. We feel most content, most balanced, when the choices we make reflect our true feelings. We feel honest and clear. We are not hiding secrets from anyone, we are not betraying ourselves, we are comfortable speaking honestly (not about wounds, just about life), and we feel openly and generously loving toward others.

At the core of this life philosophy is a deep understanding that you are a part of nature and that you reside within the cycles and laws of nature. You, and everyone else, are therefore subject to the ongoing cycles of life: death and rebirth; gain and loss; joy and grief; feast and famine; bonding and abandonment.

During your life you will experience betrayal: you will betray others and others will betray you. You will lie to others and others will lie you to. You will judge others unjustly and you will be judged unjustly. You will hold onto grudges and others will refuse to forgive you. You will fall in love with strangers and strangers will fall in love with you. You will be saved miraculously from harm, sometimes knowingly, most times invisibly. You will be guided to be certain places on time. Sometimes those places include accidents. Other times you will meet future partners and best friends. And when the time comes, you will end the journey of your physical life on Earth.

These cycles of life are archetypal. That is, they are essential ingredients that make up the alchemy of the human character. These ingredients make us the same, and vulnerable to each other. Like invisible threads, they join us by our weakest links so that we may stand humbly before one another. One of the roots of unhappiness is telling yourself that you are better than others, that you do not do what others do, or that you are incapable of their negative actions. You’re not. None of us is incapable of any negative action because we are all made up of the same ingredients.

When we tell ourselves we are better than others, we begin to believe that we are separate from nature itself and its cycles. We begin to tell ourselves nonsense like, “The cycles of nature do not apply to us because we are special. We are not like those people.” And soon we begin to feel entitled. We tell ourselves that because we are special, we are entitled to protection from the cycles of nature. In fact, pretty soon, we start believing we can strike up our own bargains with God. Here’s a popular one: If I am a good person and do everything right, nothing bad will happen to me. After all, I’m special and entitled.

Separated from the cycles of nature and armed with a head full of self-constructed mythologies, off you go into a made-up world that doesn’t really exist — except in your own mind. Your happiness becomes reliant on these myths holding intact, all of them built upon illusion, as Buddha would say. Inevitably, of course, one of those cycles and experiences will manifest, shattering the fantasy. (This is usually the point at which people ask, “What kind of God does this to people?”) Perhaps a betrayal erupts in a marriage; maybe you suddenly lose your job. There is no shortage of examples of how the cycles of life express themselves.

I am convinced that people cannot articulate their ideas about happiness because they are completely dissociated from its very mechanism, which is nature itself. Not understanding how you belong to and are subject to the way life works, you have no alternative but to make up your own story, your own mythologies, and hope they work. You will shy away from people who threaten your happiness myths, and you will perform all sorts of silly incantations and heel-clicking, hoping to instantly transform your life into a happy zone.

Unhappy Man on beach

SOME REASONS WHY PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY

1.     Having an aggressive attitude about aging. If that’s you, knock it off. Either you love being alive — which includes the natural process of aging — or you don’t. You decide.

2.     Waiting for another person to make you happy. No one can make anyone happy any more than you can make someone fall in love with you, or make someone forgive you. Waiting for another person to make your life perfect is the kiss of death.

3.     Feeling entitled. I’ve met more people than I can count who are drowning in their misery because of feelings of entitlement. These base entitlements may include inheritance, real estate, promotions, raises, bonuses, special seating arrangements, invitations to events, and so on. Divine entitlements include things like the belief that bad things won’t happen to you because you are a good person; you don’t get sick, others do; your child is special, therefore ordinary events such as accidents and illnesses will never befall your child.

4.    All talk and no action. You cannot talk your way into becoming a happy individual. Happiness is hard work. Becoming anything worthwhile takes effort. Think, talk, act. The absence of action in your life will always lead to depression and unhappiness.


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