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The Bald and the Beautiful

Vin Diesel....we think he's always been bald.

Vin Diesel….we think he’s always been bald.

Bald is bold. Bald is BAAAAD. Boys, bald is back.

While you shudder in the bathroom at your tresses clogging up the sink, when you whimper at the sight of your mane clinging to your girl’s nails when she drags them through your scalp, when you begin wearing caps and fedoras at jaunty angles to hide the growing empty real estate on your noggin’ please try and remember … if Travolta can rock it, so can you.

The Volta!

The Volta!- from the movie, From Paris with Love.

Bald is fierce. And women love fierce-bald, infact I know of many who drool at it.  Little babies too, as they rub their pudgy fingers across smooth baaaaaald plains of their dada’s cranium.

There’s something primal about the expertly sanctioned levels of testosterone that are said to charge through the male body, pumping so hard that they force the little hair follicles right out of their sockets. It’s primordial, it’s savage and it’s very attractive … to girls who see very bald man (with exception of a few) as the species’ highly endorsed candidates for passing on their strong, best survivor-on-an-island genes to the next generation.

Oh yeah - Billy Zane

Oh yeah – Billy Zane

Let me outline the baldy benefits for those who are still questioning the style: (courtesy of

Mega savings – dudes with long luscious locks have to spend their time and cash maintaining that ‘do’. Being bald is a budget friendly investment in your future.

Evolution – Bald Men are the future; the hairy are a dying breed. Hair is vestigial structure lingering from the old days when we didn’t know how to wear layers, heat our homes and stay indoors during blizzards. Bald Men are more advanced, whereas hairy men are more monkey-like.

Simplicity – Bald Men enjoy simpler lives. Less product crowding up the shelf in the shower. Less effort coordinating schedules around salon appointments. Less time spent getting ready to leave the house.  More time being a ‘real man’.

Confidence – A Bald Man is a confident man. A baldy doesn’t need to stroke their ego by brushing their hair.

Lady-love – For a girl who loves to talk, there’s no better bliss than a bald-man-listening. Baldies seem more adept at showing empathy than those guys who have hair stuck in their ears. Baldies have a better chance in scoring points with the ladies.

So for the gents who begin balding early (25% by age 30), please rock bald with bravado for life. For the 50% who get hit by hair loss by the big 5.0, shave off those last straggly locks and go all-bald and beautiful – and watch how much how your wife and/or partner warms up to you when you do. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

Be you. Be baaaaaad. Be bald!!

Tyrese Gibson bald


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